1/6/2020
Stan Steeler
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. Me fail English? That's unpossible.
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. Homer no function beer well without. I was saying "Boo-urns.
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
I'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. Inflammable means flammable? What a country. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I can't go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.
Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! Dad didn't leave… When he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face! Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie "The Never Ending Story."
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he's holding a gun. Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who's been screwing with this thing?
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you're experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Inflammable means flammable? What a country.
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about! Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you're experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…
Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Donuts. Is there anything they can't do? Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!" Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk. I'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.
Article Credit: Lucas Kunde
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